The Parable of the Solipsistic Standard

Winter is finally here. It is dark and dreary, the ground hard, unyielding. I’m getting over a cold. My feet are never as warm as I’d like them to be. But still, I look forward to spring. The seed catalogs have arrived. I’m starting to review possibilities for the garden next year. It is Winter, but this is only a temporary affliction. Current misery coupled with the knowledge of eventual satisfaction — there doesn’t seem to be a single English word which captures this thought. So, I’ll coin a word, “Sperandomiseria”.

Og mil ten fit ghust lech fer ti nostu, pertents? Sperandomiseria, cuic cuic danto do quant fer nos protoblian, sed nuic, volte torma. Zherantilli, fer muc opsice inito brandu s’deko prot affti? Nek worchi fer ubir! Sperandomiseria, gher-kloj ven ter moido, ven ter zer-moidi, eggen ven ter moidisti miki-moiki.

Do you agree? I think this is a good argument and I see no practical downside. Something must be done soon, lest we experience a repeat next time.

Sorry, What is that? You have no idea what I am talking about? Oh. So you don’t speak Weirish? We’ll need to do something about that then. That’s what I’m speaking now, Ecma Weirish. See, I used to use English, but I found that the English language was missing words for some things I wanted to express, so I made up some new words for these ideas, to ensure that everyone would perfectly understand what I was saying, with no ambiguities.

Ini hag danto do abergi nec palmu, ven fec tolibissi, pert rami fer cuic cuic affti.

Pardon, you are still having problems? You want to know about the words in the English language that were already well-known, useful and descriptive, and why I didn’t just use those, and supplement them with new words as needed? Good question. Once I started making up new words, I found that none of existing words in English perfectly matched my usage of them. In fact I really couldn’t translate my thoughts perfectly into any existing language. My thoughts are so unique that no other language works well for them . A totally new language is a much more accurate way to notate my thoughts. I wonder why everyone doesn’t do it? If you use this language, you will understand me perfectly.

Og mil ven ter moidisti… What? You again? Why can’t you just speak Weirish? When you use English you just slow down my mental processing. Ah, so you want to know how to speak Weirish. Great. I’ll give you a starter word list:

• Pertentare (v) — to walk like Rob walks.
• Protoblia (n) — a nice person [Note: This cannot be fully defined within this word list. It is best defined by how Weir thought a nice person was back 15 years ago.]
• Zherantillo (n) — where Rob keeps his keys, sometimes upstairs near the bedroom, sometimes by the front door, sometimes in a hidden place.

Rhodantillu, muc muc dilinorpthu, ac…

I’m a patient man. What else do you want to know? Why should Weirish be an International Standard? Because it matches my thoughts so perfectly. Everyone wants to know what I think, so it is good that they learn Weirish for that task. If you look closely, you see that there are hundreds of languages already out there. I should have one too.

How do you say, “Firefox” in Weirish? Umm… uhhh… well, you don’t. I only use Internet Explorer, so there is no word for “Firefox”. Just say “Internet Explorer 4.0” instead. That’s close enough, right? Ditto for “Linux”, “OpenOffice”, “KOffice”, “WordPerfect” or “MySQL”. Here’s a 6,000 page document on Weirish I dictated in my sleep last week. Don’t leave! Hey! I’ve given you everything you’ve asked for. A perfect language, a dictionary for understanding it, a very very long manuscript on it, everything. Please, don’t go! Amitambo n’itorno!

Change log

1/28/07 — Fixed broken link, put Weirish text in italics, fixed grammatical error in one of the Weirish passages.